Today has been a STRUGGLE! I’m crabby as hell. Most days I’m doing great, but today I’m just tired. All of this being intentional and introspective is, frankly, somewhat exhausting. It’s really taking a lot of work, and today I am being about as far away from my declaration as is possible. But, I guess that is why you create a declaration, to first identify where you are NOT being it and then grow into the gap.
I have noticed that when I’m like this, I tend to take it out on my kids and my husband… those closest people to me get the worst of me. I know that is typical for most people, but it’s really NOT okay. Why is it that we treat the people we love the very worst? It really isn’t fair.
The other thing I noticed about this behavior is that it is frighteningly similar to that of an alcoholic or drug addict detoxing. I am resentful and grumpy and waiting to be agitated. Honestly, I do know that if I ate a bunch of crappy processed carbs, I WOULD feel better… but only for a minute. I guess this is just part of the journey for me.
In the future, if I’m being radically responsible, what needs to happen is that I set myself up for some self-care. I acknowledge to those around me that I’m having a rough day (which I’m also not good at admitting) and I excuse myself from being with other humans. I don’t need to be “rainbows, unicorns and positivity” every single day, but I DO need to not take my struggle out on other people.
So, Fighting Back Lesson #19, don’t poop in other people’s punch bowls.