I think listening could be the most complex and rewarding activity that we rarely do. Sometimes I think it ranks up there now in novelty with using an electric typewriter, which I remember learning by attending a full semester class, a requirement in high school. There was a Typewriter class, but no Listening class. Now the typewriter is an artifact that you might have on the bottom shelf in a large office tucked behind the printer paper and ink cartridges. It makes you consider that the same fate befell the cartoon typewriter character from School House Rock that could type on himself. Right now he’s sitting in the back of an empty neighborhood bar in Cleveland, Ohio quietly sipping a scotch and typing out his manifesto about the abject cruelty of technological progress.
In this computer age listening is often the task of assembling d
ata – garbage in, garbage out. The vaunted speed of delivery often trumps the process. Twitter now allows for nonstop communication as long as the data is a limited amount of characters (How about this for a motto: Please be concise and not verbose – we don’t have the time.) To be completely honest, I don’t want to know what you’re doing so often. I don’t always feel like I have enough time for my thoughts, much less yours 24/7.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a Luddite. I love technology. I like my PDA, my nifty cell phone and the glorious Brave New World of always-on-information-instant-gratification that is the internet. I secretly desire an IPod Touch, as well as a working replicator & transporter from Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I think you have to honor the history and foundation of communication behind the technology in order to really use it. Do we risk losing the quality in the face of an avalanche of quantity?
To me, really listening is the key to connection with others; it slays loneliness and is the bedrock of good customer satisfaction. Let me use an example. I called a pharmaceutical company’s patient assistance program on behalf of a patient to provide them with some additional information they were requesting. Upon careful recitation of the patient and requested information, the representative told me in a repeated mantra that “The patient’s not in the computer.” I even clarified specifically who made the request from the fax. No luck. Soon I gave up and told him directly that he was remarkably unhelpful and that I would be calling back with the hope of better help from someone else. His reply was that “There’s eight of us here so you’ll probably get someone else.” Shockingly, I was unaware that he was a true master of statistics.
I found this whole exchange puzzling since it was that very department that was calling me for the information. Literally five minutes later I was talking to another rep who instantly brought up the patient’s information, clarified what information was needed and took receipt of it with a nice “Thank you.” Her voice also sounded kind of sexy. That was a plus. I ended that call by mentioning that the prior rep seemed more suited to find his bong than any data in a computer.
What went wrong? Obviously he wasn’t making any effort to listen. More importantly, he wasn’t clarifying anything or working backwards to ensure he understood me. My guess is that he typed in the name wrong from the beginning and was too stubborn to admit it, so he just kept saying it wasn’t there. See kids? Marijuana really does rot your brain.
Listening is an effortful and mindful enterprise. It is a LOOP where your interpretation is just as important as the quality of your hearing. So, 1) the sender states something to the other person, 2) the receiver pays close attention – including the meta-messages of body language, etc., 3) the receiver reflects back what the sender is saying to gain understanding, and then 4) the sender confirms or clarifies that the receiver got it.
As easy as this may sound, your thoughts and feelings color what you receive. This can make it very complex as it challenges you to be overtly conscious of your worldview while you take in that statement/information. To some extent you are trying to put aside your bias in order to fully understand the other.
The 4 steps above are a reflective practice in a world that often sees such a posture as weakness, not strength. But, it is also the means with which you show others, be it loved ones or customers, that you really understand them. People are happy when they feel validated and understood. Customers will return when they feel satisfied that their needs were met. One thing is certain: When you make understanding your primary goal you will find it yields a lot of return.
I challenge you to put those 4 steps of Listening in action when you’re in the course of conversation this week. Note the results and if you find that others notice and appreciate your communication skills. Also note if it works to de-escalate any problems. Finally, see if you can find me a used replicator or transporter that I can install in my house. Thanks.
Christopher David
June 26, 2009
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