The realization that my weight issue is not my fault has been freeing, not just mentally, but at a deep, deep level I can’t even explain. Understanding that overeating helped me survive something horrible has been cathartic. It’s not happening anymore, so I no longer need that reaction.
Now, the job at hand is to focus on what is important to me NOW. I want to be healthy, fit and active. I don’t need to be skinny, but I want to be able to feel good in my body and do cartwheels. I know that’s weird, but I can remember a time in 4th grade at Parsons Elementary School in Decatur, Illinois when all the girls where practicing cartwheels at recess. I could never do one. At that point in my life I probably already weighed in the high 160s and wasn’t very graceful. No matter how hard I tried, I just keep landing on my butt.
As silly as it may sound, I want to do cartwheels. I want to move around freely with no pain. I want to hike and take walks and not worry about hurting. Really, I just want to be free in my body.
That’s the RESULT I want, but in order to get there, I have to remain laser-focused on what is the MOST important priorities in my life and just keep making choices out of that place, rather than my programming.
Those conversations in my head trying to convince me aren’t REAL. They are a function of something I needed to survive when I was a child. I am a grown ass woman now and I am in charge.
As long as I stay anchored in these priorities and routines, I can feel the momentum building. There is NOTHING worth sacrificing for becoming the person I am committed to being.
Cartwheels or pizza? THAT choice is easy!